ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS

I particularly like verses 8, 10 and 11 of Carol Ann Duffy's new version of the old Christmas song. In case you haven't heard them (and even if you have), here they are:

Eighth Day of Christmas

One milked money to mend her moat.
Two milked voters to float her boat.
Three milked Parliament to flip her flat.
Four milked Government to snip her cat.
Five milked the dead for close-up tears.
Six milked the tax-payer for years and years and years ...
Seven milked the system to Botox her brow.
Eight milked herself - the selfish cow.

Tenth Day of Christmas

Lords don't leap They sleep.

Eleventh Day of Christmas

We paid the bluddy piper fir Scotland's Royal Bank;
twa pipers each fir Fred and Phil, fir Finlay, Fraser, Frank.
Too big tae fail!
The wee dog laughed!
The dish ran awa' wi' the spoon ...
We paid the bluddy pipers, but we dinnae call the tune.

You won't find these verses on Nadine's blog.